6 July 2006

Dear D.
Coo what a life you lead.
I have a neck too and I can only look right.
What'sup with Saul then, kids eh?
I heard today that if you find bringing up kids expensive then you can send them to abroad. Apparently they can then be supported via oxfam for £15 per month.
I called my surgery today for a repeat prescription. They were closed but informed me that they were open from Brrrrrrrrrrrrrr............
I notice that the furniture shop near here sells Chester drawers. Do you have them down your way?

Dino


Dear Dennis,
We went to the brunettes University today for a crisp 'n' champagne buffet (I quickly trained Saul to refill my palm with crisps at regular intervals) and then we watched her ceremoniously receive her degree from some dusty old soak who was dressed in a red batman cape and a kind of overly large flat cap similar to the ones the goodies used to wear. Various other dusty professors watched from up on a high stage, in comfy chairs, in different coloured capes and hats and in different stages of consciousness. Charlie was at school so Saul and I cheered and clapped til our hands hurt as the brunette went up to collect her scroll but then the other parents around started whispering "ssshhhhh!!" so I got Saul down off the chair and we sat down. She is now a "BSc Hons." Actually you get Hons if you score above 40% and she got double that so maybe she should be BSc H2oNs? I'll send you a photee or two, I took loads. She had to give the cape and mortar board cap thing back as they can only hire them for a couple of hours. A shame really as it'd have been great on Halloween. They put on a cracking do' though and it was a great day indeed. AND there was a student picking up his degree and he was called SAUL, AND he had the same surname!

You've never said you had a neck before now - how long have you had it? We ought to get a driving job together then you can look right and I'll do the leftism bit. A milk round sounds good. I want to be a park keeper though and they don't drive around much - unless of course we get a motorised wheelbarrow and besom Â…

Little Saul has a "murmur". I can't hear it on his stethescope from his doctors outfit but the doc reckoned it was worth a trip to the hospital and a scan. The "specialist" says he has a small hole in some ventricle or wall thing or other but he could still be an Olympic athlete if he wanted (personnally I'd rather he was a famous rock star or a high powered business man). It is only a couple of millimetres and will probably close up as he grows. I asked for the measurement in Queens Imperial but he couldn't work it out and said we should come (go) back to see him in 3 years time - bloody hell my calendar doesn't go that far - it only goes to December this year! I hope they send me a reminder. The only special measure is that if he has to have a tooth out at the dentist we have to let the dentist know first and get him on a course of anti-biotics. He didn't say what to do if he got a tooth knocked out at the mother and toddler group on a Wednesday but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Arent kids weird - did you ever have an imaginary friend? Well I hear it's normal for some kids to have one and they grow out of it after a while. Well we met one of Sauls toddler mates on the way home the other day (his name is Fred) and he has an imaginary animal friend! Not only that, it is an imaginary antelope! Worse than that it is a herd of imaginary antelope! They caused havoc in the gardens on the way home from school I can tell you and his poor mum is at her wits end! I didn't know what to advise apart from jab him with a spoon or something. Poor girl.

Your doctors surgery must have the same telephone system as the Benefits Agency. "Hello I'd like to ask an awkward question please" "certainly sir" click bbbrrrrr ...

Chester drawers are a northern thing and not allowed down here.

D.